Decisions
ambivalence
/ăm-bĭv′ə-ləns/
noun
1. The coexistence of opposing attitudes or feelings, such as love and hate, toward a person, object, or idea.
2. Uncertainty or indecisiveness as to which course to follow.
I remember the first time I heard this word used to describe me.
"If you can't decide...then keep stewing on it. You eventually reach a point that you jump out of the pot," he said in a 'c'est la vie' manner. "Until then, continue to embrace the suffering."
It wasn't the advice I was looking for. In fact, at the time, I hated it. 'What am I paying this guy for?' I would think. Though, in retrospect, it was the advice I needed at the time.
True decisions carry the weight of all costs associated with them. Positive or negative.
When we find ourselves in the space of indecision, it's easy to believe we were placed there against our will. Highly more likely, it is a room we choose for ourselves based on a multitude of reasons.
- Perhaps we believe there's an undiscovered option awaiting us.
- Perhaps we want assurances before proceeding.
- Perhaps we know the true answer and fear the corresponding cost.
Or, far worse: We want the inevitability of time to make our decision for us. Sacrificing our agency on the altar of temporary relief. While a later version of us, doomed to repeat the cycle, suffers doubly.
Without decisions, we cannot learn. When we do finally make a decision, a transaction occurs. The results of our decision reveal to us its full scope, indicating to us what future similar decisions might produce. Regardless of whether the outcome is in our favor or not, there are consolation prizes if we can find them: wisdom, knowledge, and understanding.
The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight. Pr 4:7.
Get Wisdom
As they say: Hindsight is 20/20.
I know I don't always appreciate the results of my decisions until I've recognized the journey I had to sufficiently travel. After toiling, reaching a point where I become freed of whatever bondage was preventing me from finally grasping the decision required in that season. If our decisions had no cost and no journey, I argue that there would be nothing to appreciate when we looked back at our lives.
A little over a year ago, I was wrestling with the decision to move out of state. I spent months waffling back and forth on the persistent nudge. Perhaps paralyzed by fear of making the wrong decision. Or hoping that if I waited long enough, one would be made for me. There are seasons in life where I struggled to make a confident decision...let alone stick with it. Waking at 3am. Relentless observations, reverse-ruminating all the possible outcomes. Each time certain, that I could re-run all the simulations and uncover a satisfying solution.
One morning, seeking solid evidence as I flipped through my Bible, I saw it.
"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." Pr 16:9
The text appeared clearly in front of me. In a way, it gave me the sense of instant understanding. While simultaneously, the expansive nature of the concept required me to digest it.
I often thought of following God as doing exactly what He said to do. And nothing of what He didn't say to do. In an extremely subtle way, the theology through which I viewed God's interactive nature in my life was askew. (If you want to know more what I mean by this, you will have to listen to: Does God Control Everything? Tim Keller)
For example:
- If God doesn't give me a new job, then I shouldn't look for one.
- If God doesn't tell me which college to go to, then I shouldn't apply to one.
- If God doesn't provide me a business, then I shouldn't start one.
It is as if to believe: Unless I have a neon sign saying to do something, then I should do nothing. If it's all ordained anyway, I just need to wait for God to do his part.
However, Proverbs 16:9 tells the story of a very different relationship that God has with freedom to choose. And it's a concept we need wisdom to understand.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight. Pr 9:10.
Fear of the Lord
'Fear of the Lord' I'm talking about is not a fire and brimstone attribute that stirs fearfulness and anxiety. This is a reverent fear that humbly grapples with the weightiness of an infinite and righteous God. One who created finite beings with aspects of His own image. And as we bear that image, we are called to answer for what we do with it.
Most of my 'passive theology' and indecisiveness came from a lack of fear of the Lord. Which creates a blindspot in one's wisdom. For me, a sobering antidote to my chronic ambivalence was the Parable of the Talents & Ten Minas (Luke 19:12-27 & Matthew 25:14-30). In each, Jesus describes how the Kingdom of Heaven will arrive. There's clear parallels between them, and perhaps I don't fully grasp all of the nuance. However, I cannot deny what it spoke to me.
And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here, I have made five talents more.’ 21 His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. Mt 25:20–21.
As it goes, the servant who was given two talents was able to produce two more. Then there's the servant with one talent. He buried it. Things didn't seem to turn out so well for him...
The master did not tell them in great detail what to do. He said, "Engage in business until I come." Lk 19:13. He did not tell them how to invest, where to do business, or how long he would be gone. He simply trusted them with his property, and upon his return, he expected them to have something to show for it.
So there I am wondering...
If I look at my life, and see where I was given five talents. And all I have done so far, is hold onto them for myself... Which servant am I?
If I am here to steward these talents and minas, then I am responsible for making wise decisions on how best to use them.
Partner with God
Decisions are hard. They are toiling. And yet, we are called to make them.
However, when we wallow in the walls of indecision, we should ask ourselves:
OR
Am I loathing the burden of decision making?
If it's the latter, we should be cautious. It's possible we just want God to make our decisions for us.
Please don't hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying that God will never wake you up in the middle of the night as He did for Samuel. He could very well do that. Perhaps there are times where our path is so narrow, that God will call it out specifically so there is no question where we must go.
But for the times that we might call 'day-to-day'. We are engaging in business until He comes.
So how do we walk forward while partnering with God?
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Pr 19:21.
Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. Ps 127:1.
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. Jn 15:5
I know I have plans, things I want to build, desires I want to pursue. But apart from Him, it can bear no fruit. Unless the Lord builds my ideas, I labor in vain. I don't know about you, I'd rather not toil in vain.
It appears, partnering with God occurs somewhere in the discrepancy between these:
| My: plans, desires, building | AND | God's: purpose, will, establishment |
By Faith
When we engage in partnership with God, we must often do so by faith. This is especially true when we don't understand the path God has placed us on.
- If we want to bring plans from our mind into reality, we should share them with God and seek his purpose.
- If we have desires on our heart that we are pursuing, we should submit them to His will.
- If we are taking steps to build something, we must seek and defer to how He will establish it.
Without this, we labor in vain. Which I have done in my life.
I have gathered my plans, my desires, my ability to build, and created on my own terms. When I construct my life in that heart posture, it always becomes a house that I wish I never built...
It becomes Babel.
Once I started partnering with God, by faith, I didn't need to pray for the divine neon light signal anymore. Instead, it went more like this:
"Lord, here are the options I've laid out. I want to acknowledge you in this process. In faith, I'm going to choose this one. I ask you to establish my steps as you have promised to do. If I am off base, I invite you to correct my course."
I'm still learning how to walk this out. Each new decision gets progressively more complex than the last as my skills and comfort levels are stretched. But I do know now, that it requires an abiding trust that He will establish our steps as we navigate the dark narrow trails of life. We can include Him as we decide which turns to take, even if we do not know where they lead. The imagery that I see brings to mind 1 Cor 13:12. "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known."
Hindsight is 20/20.
On this side of our decisions, we can only know partly. Even after the choices are chosen, we may not know the full scope of impact until weeks or months afterward. Or, we may not see until the other side of eternity. Then, we can know fully.
This is why faith is crucial to the decision making process. Faith in a good God who builds the house, IF we invite Him in our labor.
So, how do we do this pragmatically?
- Decisions we make require wisdom. Ask God for wisdom. (James 1:5-6)
- In prayer, submit the pros and cons of a decision in your heart to the Lord. (Ps. 139:23-24)
- Acknowledge Him before you make your decision. (Pr 3:5-6)
You may get a clear revelation on exactly where God wants you to move next. Or, you may still feel just as uncertain. No worries...God can handle your feelings of uncertainty as you make "decisions" that feel more like blind leaps of faith.
Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot. Ec 5:18.
Decisions are part of our toil. We will have seasons where we have to stew for a while. But we should not loathe or hide from the decisions themselves. We should find enjoyment in choosing them.
At the end of the day, if we still aren't sure which decision is the right one. We can skip to the end of Ecclesiastes to find an answer:
The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." Ec 12:13.